Acquaintance Sex Offenders often 'groom' their victims prior to any sexual abuse for a period of weeks, months or even years. When the parent(s) is physically or emotionally absent it makes the child the most vulnerable to a sex offenders cunning tactics.
Grooming activities include, but are not restricted to the following.
o Befriending and gaining trust with the parent(s)--especially single women. The sex offender offers to watch the child so the single mother or parents can have a 'free' night out; or provide fun activities--taking the child away from the home. During these activities the sex offender deepens the grooming activities--touching the child in ways that are seemingly inocuous... yet sexual in nature. Such as hugging often, touching her buttocks, putting his hand on her leg, kissing her on the cheek and exculating to kissing her on the mouth. At any stage of the grooming process if she protests he apologizes to quiet her discomfort. He knows he will gain acceptance again, if the protest is weak or she readily accepts the apology.
The sex offender is keenly aware that the child needs to be controlled to the extent he/she can sexually abuse the child without fear of disclosure. This manipulation may be obtained in many ways: favors, threats, guilt, shame, 'This is our secret,' 'If you tell anyone, they won't believe you,' 'You can't tell, I will lose my job, 'You know you wanted to do this too. You could have stopped any time.' Thus, making the child equally responsible for the sexual activity.
Other ways Sex Offenders gain access to children:
o Securing jobs and participating in community events that involve children. Then, befriending those who the most vulnerable.
o Volunteering to coach children's sports, thus, having opportunities to befriend the parents and then groom the child.
o Attending sporting events for children, thus, learning which parents are absent during the game. Offering to give the child a ride home.
o Volunteering in youth organizations, volunteering to chaperone overnight trips.
o Frequently being in places children socialize - playgrounds, malls, game arcades, etc. Befriending the child, who projects loneliness, offering to buy them treats or small items of interest.
o Engaging in Internet gaming and social web sites, learning the online interests and lingo of tweens and teens. Befriending those who seem to be seeking attention, love and affection.
o Being foster parents. It is foolhardy to assume someone, who is married with children would be less likely to be a sex offender. Sex offenders might only sexually abuse other's children and not their own. Thus, sex offenders will become a foster parent to have ready access to children. If the foster child is returned to his/her parent(s), or an adoptive family, another child will soon need foster parents.
Grooming can be done in the presence of others, often without the other person recognizing the intent of the behavior.
A mother revealed her husband played a tickling game with their three-year-old son. The rule of the game was to play with Daddy and have fun-the son was instructed to tickle his father's nipples while sitting in a straddled position over his father's nude body from the waist up. The object of this game was, 'Make daddy laugh.' Of course, the father
sex parkeerplaats withhold laughing until he experienced the sexual stimulation he desired. When the mother objected to this game, the father admonished her for being jealous of his time with their son.
Another mother was horrified when her three-year old daughter asked her to play the 'pee-pee' game. She asked her daughter to explain this game. Her daughter lay on her back on the floor; legs spread and said, "Touch my 'pee-pee,' Mommy, that is what Daddy does."
Fathers frequently cuddle in bed with their daughters in a spoon position, arm across their mid-body with only underware or pajamas on. Several clients have reported feeling their father's penis against their legs or back, while not knowing what to do-as they wanted their father's affection-they didn't like the feeling of his genitals against their body. This cuddling seems harmless, most mothers reason. The women also reported sexual abuse occurred sometime later. Was the cuddling in bed a form of grooming or was the cuddling an ill advised way to show affection with the child that unwittingly led to subsequent sexual abuse? In either belief; the damage is done.
